Mark Dudlik

Ugh.

So, tomorrow I am presenting at Ignite ASU. Its part of their community connect dialogues series. I’m presenting with Andrew Coppola about PHXDC. I suggested it, I went through the process of writing the submission w/ Andrew. I said yes, several times, once they said they’d like us to present, I went through and we made the presentation and practiced it and I pretty much have it memorized. All thats left is the stupid fucking part of getting on stage in front of people and doing it. I don’t want to. I’m fucking scared like a little kid after a scary movie. There are monsters under the stage.

I’m not really averse to public speaking, so much as public. I am panicking and have been off and on for the two weeks since I found out we were doing this.

I should (and wish I had) avoid this kind of thing. I mean…what good does it do? “Pushing boundries” is stupid. My social anxiety isn’t a muscle that if i keep stretching it will get stronger and I’ll be able to handle more. No! Its stupid.

So, why am I doing this then? Without trying to sound pompous: Because I owe it to the things I’m part of. Stupid Phoenix Design Week  and stupidface AIGA and stupid Dojo Collective and stupid friends who help on stuff and stupid twitter friends and stupid face everyone. I am doing it because I want to spread the word about all the great things I’m involved in that have great people working on them.

Stupid people. I should just go hermit on everyone’s ass.